Tonight, I was sitting out on our front porch twirling my hair and one of the Dominicans said that when they do this, it means they’re thinking. I said it was the same for me, to which they said I was always thinking…which made me think about what I was thinking about…did you follow that?!
Since the armed robbery, exactly one month ago today, I don’t think I’ve stopped asking questions…How are my kids dealing with this? Am I ever going to feel safe again? Will I return to school? Should I get another vehicle and if so, what should I get? How can I afford to replace these things? Am I going to be robbed again? What if they do more than put a gun in my face and pat me down for my keys next time? What are my parents thinking? What could I have done to stop the men? Are we going to have a guard at the school? How can we afford one when we don’t even have tables and chairs? Needless to say, the list goes on and on…and so does my thinking…
Tomorrow was supposed to be our first day back to school…I can’t even begin to put in to words how I’m feeling about that. I’m ready to go back and I can’t wait to see my kids again, but I also never want to go back. After having a meeting with Wilkyns, Shawn, and Jen, we decided to postpone the opening of the school until a trained, armed guard can be in place while school is in session. Seemingly a good decision until we look at our bank account and realize we can only afford to have a kid with a pellet gun standing guard…okay, maybe I’m exaggerating just a little, but seriously keep this in prayer…choosing the right guard is a serious matter. So tomorrow we continue our hunt!
As all of these unanswered questions, fears, and doubts float through my head, I am reminded/encouraged by great friends of the following verses:
2 Timothy 1:7 - For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
Jeremiah 33:2-3 - “Thus says the LORD who made it, the LORD who formed it to establish it (the LORD is His name): 3 ‘Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.’
Romans 5:1-5 - Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[a]have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out His love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, Whom He has given us.
So many great promises, I could list a gazillion more, but sometimes they are so hard to remember. These promises seem to get swallowed by real life, but they are always there for us. Thank goodness for a loving God, the Bible, friends, and apps that continually bring these promises to my attention!
On a GOOD note…
We had a great time celebrating the new year! We joined another missionary family and headed to the north coast, Las Terrenas. On New Year’s Eve, we had a huge fire and we set off Chinese lanterns. The next morning, we watched the sun come up, went snorkeling around the reef, and explored the beautiful country. It was definitely an unforgettable New Year’s!
I’m counting down the time when I get to see some good friends from home…January 23rd!!! Mission teams around us start coming in this coming Saturday. It will be nice to be able to fully understand someone for once (Although, I was able to have a few conversations about Pearl Harbor, Mt. McKinley, and past and recent earthquakes in Spanish…slowly getting better :)
We visited Batey 7 recently and it reminded me again how much I have to be thankful for. Even with all the bad things that have happened, I have no right to be ungrateful or mad. We are so blessed…
Four months have officially gone by now…I think about who I was before coming here and sometimes I don’t recognize that person. In some areas, I feel like I was just existing. Other areas I question myself why I was so stupid (I’ve already apologized to my mom for being so lazy and selfish :)…but I remind myself it’s all a process…God is slowly refining me. Who knows what the final product will be. I know that I never even expected to be in a foreign country teaching, so I’m trying to stop figuring out what the rest of my life will look like and let God lead…once again, easier said than done. So once again I ask you to KEEP PRAYING!
